“Testa Dura” (Hard Headedness)

In Italian, one is said to be “testa dura” when he or she displays some kind of hard headedness in his or her character, behavior, attitude, position or thought . I was just thinking about this word when I realized that this word just applies to me quite appropriately.

Since I came back from my summer vacation to the Philippines, I have been “testa dura” in my attitude as far as continuing my treatment is concerned. I know that I have to get back to my routine of watching my diet, of taking my medication and doing my regular exercise. But, unfortunately, I have been very complacent and lax as far as following up my treatment is concerned. I have not been watching my diet as I used to. I hardly do exercise anymore. Taking my medications has also become irregular. I know this is really bad for me. I know I am treading on a dangerous path. Because of these, I just realized that I need to do something now to get back to my routine. Postponing it becomes a dangerous game.

This morning I just had a slice toast of bread(with a little butter/and grape jelly), and a plum, for my breakfast. I promise myself to cut down my in-take of rice. I need to eat more vegetables and avoid fatty foods. I need to do a regular exercise, at least thirty minutes a day. Sometimes I rationalize by saying that ‘I don’t have time.’ But this is just a lame excuse. I know I have time if I want to. I just have to arrange my schedule and make some kind of commitment. Now I am determined to go back to my usual routine. I pray to God that He will help me keep my commitment and determination. I know it is easy to say that I want to do something. But to actually do it is most important.

I am giving myself another chance to change my course of action. I know I need to do this. I have to. I cannot be complacent anymore on my treatment for my illness. If something happens to me because of my complacency and lack of determination to change my lifestyle, then there is no one to blame but myself. But before this happens, I need to give myself another chance to change my lifestyle. I have to do this- not tomorrow, but I need to start today.

Wish me luck.